… and probably also taking to heart Bon Jovi’s advice and living on a prayer!

I’m not a big journal-er… it’s not something that I’m very good at keeping up with.  However, if being pregnant has taught me anything, I’m also not as good at remembering things as well as I used to be!  Here we are, at almost 22 weeks and a little more than halfway to meeting our girl! I decided this afternoon that I wanted to write down a little pregnancy update, and a few things I’m learning in this season before I forget about them.  I figured I’d put them in a place I can come back to, shake my head at myself, for all the “lessons” I’ll have thought I learned.  Life has a funny way of reminding us that the things that we are we think we know are usually the things we have to keep re-learning, doesn’t it?

So you’re welcome in advance future self. ;)

Can I just say that pregnancy is just weird?!  I mean beautiful, but such a strange concept that I’m serving as human incubator, haha!

It also feels like time has simultaneously flown by, but is also taking its dearest old time.  I mean, all in all, I’ve been feeling pretty great and can’t complain too much!  The only real reminders that I’m pregnant right now are the 11pm max bed times, the flutters in my stomach that remind me that I have a wild child growing inside of me, my inability to use public bathrooms without puking, and the slowly but surely emerging bump on the front of me.

I keep finding myself imagining what life will be like in just four months when we get to meet Reese and know who she is! But there’s also a little part of me that wants to hang on to life as just the two of us while I can.

And now I’m crying… okay so maybe there is another pregnancy sign I’m experiencing, but whatever.

 

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Side note: this newly developed sappiness also likes to present itself in other fun hormonal outbursts.  Like one of my latest, that had to do with the fact that Morgan is going sky-diving without me on Friday.  I convinced myself that THIS IS WHAT MY WHOLE LIFE WILL BE LIKE FROM HERE ON OUT.  I’ll just stay at home while he goes off and abandons me to take care of our children.  *Insert tears that I didn’t even know I had in me, here.*

The rather hilarious part about this irrational thought tizzy I worked myself into is that if you know Morgan at all, you know that he is the kindest, most considerate guy and would never leave me feeling like I was the only one having to “sacrifice my freedom” for our family.  I’m not naive enough to think that our lives won’t change, and that they’ll change for me more than they will for him at first, but I also know that I have the best partner is this raising a tiny-human gig.

… what’s more dramatic, is that in the same fit, I convinced myself that since you can’t really see my bump, how would the sky-diving people even know I was pregnant? I mean it’d be rude of them to ask. What’s the problem with jumping out of a plane, even?

If you think I’ve lost it, I probably have.  Needless to say, I will be working away in my office on Friday and not jumping out of an airplane. #YoureWelcomeReese #HumanIncubator

 

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Anyway, I think one of the biggest lessons I’m learning in this season is that the only thing you really can do is to be “living on a prayer.”  There’s so much of motherhood that seems daunting to me if I think about for too long.  There’s so much about giving birth that seems, well, intimidating to say the least.

I think we try so hard to plan out our lives (at least I do with my control freak tendencies) but the reality is, we don’t really have control over any of it!  Of course there’s always things we can do and avoid doing, but ultimately, God’s the only one that knows our path.

I think that that’s one of the biggest lessons in it all — I’m sure that the whole having a human being come out of me will be painful.  But I think so much of the “pain of childbirth” is also the mental game that surrounds it.  Thinking, is she going to be okay at our next scan? What if she’s not growing enough, or I’m not something right.  Or thinking even further ahead to what if she’s born and beautiful, and something tragic happens then!  The possibilities of my mind are endless if I let it be.

I find myself trying to combat the anxiety I feel about the unknown by praying for who our little girl will be.  And that’s what I mean, by I can really only do this by living on a prayer.  God is good and I’m so grateful He chose us to be Reese’s parents.  He didn’t have to, that’s for sure.

And I think what this season of life is teaching me most is about letting your heart grow to love in uncomfortable ways, because that’s what God requires of us. I mean, it’s hard to believe you can love someone so much that you’ve never even met yet.  And I’m sure there will be a time when I grow forgetful of that fact — let’s be real, probably around 5th grade or so, because those kids are hot messes.  But for now, I’m just savoring the lessons of this season about life, about control, and about loving well.

So if you ask me lately how I am, I’ll probably tell you that I can’t complain. I’ve been so fortunate to be feeling good all-in-all.  I’ll also tell you that this season of life seems to be flying by, and can continue doing so until we meet our Reese Adaline come February!

And yes, people have made me very aware that a February 21st due date could mean that she’s born in March.  But I also believe that sometimes we speak things into existence, and so to me, I’ll still be over here counting down ’til February!!

Especially since I do believe that patience is a virtue, just not one that I have yet acquired.

 

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Last but not least — a few more things that I do not want to forget:

• Reese, you decided to make your appearance to the outside world starting at Uncle Jeremiah and Auntie Becca’s wedding.  I kind of think the pictures of us look like I just ate too much pizza, but it was definitely all you, for the record.  You showed up just in time to attend their wedding!
• The first person to feel you kick on the outside was your dad last night! It’s funny because I’m pretty sure you know who he is.  At least you do flips and kicks when he starts to talk a lot of times!
• In case anyone was wondering, you’re already a little ornery… when we had your anatomy scan you literally wouldn’t move to show the ultrasound tech your face.  Our kid, who never quits moving, go figure ;)  However, you did kick me during the scan and I could FEEL IT and SEE IT at the same time.  I told you, pregnancy is weird.
• So after 45 minutes of trying, we had to go back for another scan two weeks later.  This time you’ll be happy to know that you were kicking me while folding yourself completely in half — with your feet, up by your head.  Let’s just say you did not get your flexibility from your dad.
• Speaking of your anatomy scan, it was at the hospital.  You know THE ONE YOU’LL BE BORN AT.  *Insert, it just got REAL, here.*
• The throwing up in public bathrooms thing is starting to become a problem the more frequently I have to pee… could you work on that maybe? ;)
• Also — currently craving meat and protein for sure.  Sugar is not our friend.  Roasted vegetables are our mortal enemy.

 

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’Til next time I find a random whim of pre-nostalgia, friends.